It seems that at 19, it is easier than ever to make mistakes. Especially when the year was 2012. But it was last night, through a parade of incomprehensible and circus-sized dreams, that I decided to face my fork in the road head on and just go with it.I realized, "Yes I loved a fox, and yes he bit me, but if I choose to see this as a fact of life the sun will come out"

Last year was a train wreck of self-pity and taking every little thing too seriously, and I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel like the same girl I was even two weeks ago and, in summation, the way that I approach my life has to change along with the changes in me. Because I don't wake up feeling sad anymore, I don't use words to hide from all the aspects of my life that I am too fearful of to face, at least as much as I used to.Writer of short stories, singer, poet, baker, amateur photographer, hoarder of secondhand clothing, mom obsessed 19 year old. I don't want to compromise a single part of me. I'm so tired of feeling every single thing with such ferocity that it hinders me from really feeling anything at all. Hit so hard you become numb. So from now on I shall try to open up the french doors of my chest and let everything flow through as they please. The messy, sticky, painful parts as well as the joyful, awe inspiring parts.This may not be the first time I've promised myself these things. But I'm not a child anymore. These decisions are completely in my hands. If I want to be happy and full, no one can stop me but me. I promise future blog posts will not be as corny and gag-inducing as this one.Beginnings are often harder than goodbyesxoxo yazP.S check back this week for some flower arranging how to's